Dressing to Succeed?

     So the self-proclaimed "hottest sports reporter in Mexico," Ines Sainz, is back in the news today with the same old news of the New York Jets making her feel uncomfortable with their crude behavior. When I first read about the story on Monday I thought, "Wow what Neanderthals these guys are. Can't a beautiful woman just be left alone and not have to endure catcalls and shameless come-ons?" Well today I read another article that made me think twice about my initial opinion. 

     The New York Post began its coverage of Ines by describing what she wore to work after complaining about Jets players and their locker room antics. "Sexy TV sports reporter Ines Sainz slinked into last night's Jet game in a black minidress with a plunging neckline and matching black stilettos." Really? This is what you wear to report on a football game? I'm all for women being able to wear whatever they want without being subjected to the perverted comments that some men just feel the need to make. But at some point you have to take responsibility for it. You just can't change some men. Some men will always be crude. I just think they refuse to learn any better. It's like something ingrained into their personalities that hopefully evolution will eventually weed out. But until then women like Ines have some responsibility. First of,  before I even get into the irrationality of wearing a sexy outfit to cover a football game just a day after complaining about the players' reactions to your looks, I have to cover the professional aspect of it. So just because Ines isn't working in an office at the moment does all professionalism have to fly out the window? She's a sports reporter (one of industries where women have to fight for respect) so she needs to maintain some professionalism for her job no matter where she is covering a story. So since when does dressing as if you're going to a cocktail party constitute as professional work wear? And even if you forget about dressing professionally, how much sense does it make to wear a mini black dress and stilettos to a football game? 

     As if that wasn't enough, after reading the Post's Andrea Peyser's column  on Ines, my opinion of  "the hottest sports reporter in Mexico" was further cemented. The woman has obviously made a career of her looks and enjoys the attention. She competed in the Miss Universe pageant and posed nude. And according to Peyser, Ines's Myspace page is covered in bikini shots. Hey it's her right to do all that and not be judged. But if she's making it obvious that she's using her looks and her statement on being Mexico's hottest reporter doesn't exactly refute that assumption, and she shows up to cover a game wearing clothes fit for a night out, she can't really turn around and complain about the negative attention she gets while doing her job and then show up the next day for work in an even sexier outfit. As heartless as this might sound, if you don't want the attention don't ask for it. She knew exactly what she was getting herself into. 

I'm sure lots of people will disagree with me but it's just my rambling. And for those women who know when to dress for different occasions, I hope they'll see at least part of my point.

Where's the Beef? America's Next Top Model cycle 15

          This is about a week late but before episode 2 of America's Next Top Model airs this Wednesday I need to rant about a few things. So Tyra decided to step things up a notch and actually try to get the winners to become big name models. Why it took her 15 cycles to come up with this, I don't know. But she's finally realized that the winner of a modeling competition should actually become a model, not a reality T.V. star who ends up in rehab like cycle one winner, Adrienne Curry. So this season's winner gets a spread in Italian Vogue and a contract with IMG, a modeling agency that reps some of the biggest names in the modeling industry. Alas, they do still get the same old contract with Covergirl Cosmetics. Which reminds me, has anyone actually ever seen a Covergirl commercial that features the winning model? You'd think that if they spend so much time drilling lines into that poor girl's head, the commercial could air at least once.
          But getting back to the point here. I find it quite ironic that in the cycle Tyra decides to take ANTM to new heights, there is not one plus size model. Forget the fact that there aren't any plus size models who made it as finalists. There was not one plus size model shown during the auditions process. Did all the plus size models just decide not to audition this cycle? I think not. Instead the majority of the models shown looked as if they'd fall over if you breathe on them. Not that I have anything against girls that are super skinny. A lot of them just can't help it and shouldn't be criticized for it. But I think it's hypocritical of Tyra to proclaim she wants women to embrace their bodies and she wants to bring modeling to the masses. Because as soon as she has the opportunity to feature the winner in a high fashion magazine, not one of the 14 finalists is even close to looking plus sized is among the contestants. So I guess she isn't ready to break the status quo in high fashion. Or maybe she's taking baby steps. Instead of having a plus size contestant she's got a contestant with a plus size chest. 30G! I didn't know they go up that high naturally. But I gotta hand to Esther, the girl with the biggest cup size in ANTM history. She can work it in a sample size dress. So maybe designers can take note of that and start hiring models who are blessed with having more up top.
           One other thing also got under my skin as I was watching the premiere episode. Wannabe model Jordan (the one with the pixie cut blond hair whom everyone thought didn't belong because she might have said she doesn't want to be there) kept going on and on and on about how she won't conform to pop culture and that's why she's auditioning for the show. Huh??? Since when does trying to be a model mean you're not conforming? Maybe if Jordan really doesn't want to conform she can put on a potato sack, gorge on anything she can get her hands on till she reaches 300lbs, stop styling her hair and  stop doing her makeup. And then try to become a model. That's the ultimate way saying fuck it to the world, I don't care about what you think is beautiful, I'm gonna do it my way. Seriously, the whole "oh I'm so different, I don't fit in because I'm so weird and I don't care what everyone things and I'm better than the mindless masses who just follow the trends," mentality is overplayed.Doesn't Lady Gaga brand herself on being different and weird? And can you get any more pop culture than Lady Gaga? Nah, I didn't think so.  Instead of following what she calls pop culture, Jordan is just following another trend set by people who try so hard to be different that they end up looking like everyone else who claims to be so different. So how unique is she really? Word of advice to Jordan; Next time you want to whine about how much you hate pop culture and how you're so different from everyone else, just take a moment to think and zip it. It's really not that cool to keep saying how different you are especially when you're auditioning for a MODELING COMPETITION!!!! The people that are unique and different don't have to say so. They just are.

So even though Tyra is trying take things to the next level this season I'm still expecting (and looking forward to) the catfights, insanity, stupidity that the wannabe models bring each season. Oh and the pictures that somehow manage to make every girl look better than she does in person.

Adult Birthdays

I remember there was a time when I looked forward to my birthdays. Birthdays are so cool as a kid. You get cake and presents and everyone makes a big deal out of you turning one year older. All attention is on you. As soon as your birthday is over you look forward to the next one. Now I've had some mixed feelings about my birthday. See as a kid, if you birthday is towards the end of the summer and you look forward to it, you're technically looking forward to the first day of school. Not fun. But nonetheless I did look forward to my birthday. I'd get to go to the amusement park, which was a real treat when I was a kid. As a teenager I still looked forward to my birthday even if I didn't have that same giddy feeling I did when I was in the single digits. As a teenager you have milestones to look forward to. First there's age 13 because that's when you're officially a teenager. Then there's age 16 which is supposedly your sweet 16 although I have had that kind of party. Then there's age 18 when you're finally considered an adult, although you probably still have pretty much the same mentality as a teenager. Age 21 is the really big one, unless you've already found places where you can drink underage but still being 21 gives you way more options.  Bur for me age 19 was a birthday to really look forward to. That was the start of a new and serious relationship and really the first time I had a boy  treat me like a princess. I couldn't wait to see what my boyfriend did. And he didn't disappoint. I still remember the enormous arrangement of flowers he bought for me. Even though I'm not a fan of flowers, I still think of those. The thought behind them was so sweet.Nothing has come close to have the meaning that flowers do. In fact the thought behind everything was sweet. He planned everything so carefully to impress me, his new girlfriend. No birthday has really come close to that one.  Somewhere after that big milestone of turning 21 birthdays just don't feel the same. Even though you no there is no logical reason to celebrate a birthday you still want that feeling you had as a kid. But it's just not there. Maybe it's me or maybe it's everyone as they get older. There's not much to look forward to as your mind begins to fill with thoughts of aging and you realize how fast time goes by. There's no rush to grow up anymore. You're already grown and with the responsibilities of being an adult you don't have the time to savor each moment of the year you're in. But the birthdays themselves have lost their magic. When you're a kid everyone makes a big deal about you on your birthday. But as you get older it's not so much of a big deal. No more surprises unless you're lucky to have someone to plan one for you. If you want to celebrate your birthday you plan it. And there's no excitement in planning your own birthday. And it's even worse when your birthday falls out on a weekday. Nothing dulls a birthday quite like having to go to work.  And celebrating it another day just isn't the same. The magic is on the anniversary of your birth and a bit of that magic disappears when it's celebrated on another day.

So when I have my own kids I vow to make their birthdays as special as I can because there's only a limited number of birthdays that have that magic and excitement attached to them.

Letting Go

Can your love for a person be measured by your willingness to let that person go for the sake of his/her well being and happiness? I thought about that while watching the movie, My Sister's Keeper, which by the way is an incredibly beautiful and touching  film. The plot is what got me thinking about that question. Anna is an 11- year old girl who was conceived by in vitro fertilization to donate blood, bone marrow and eventually a kidney to her older sister, Kate who suffers from a rare form of leukemia. As the film builds up momentum and Kate reaches her sickest point, Anna goes to a lawyer to seek medical emancipation from her parents so that they cannot force her to donate her kidney to her sister. She claims to want control of her own body. But the twist is that Kate asks her to do all of that because she knows will die anyway even with the surgery but their mother, Sara, refuses to acknowledge. Sara does everything she can to keep Kate alive but she cannot grant Kate her only wish; to let her go. And although at times in the film Sara is portrayed as a stubborn woman who believes she knows what's best and doesn't listen to anyone else even if their advice is in Kate's best interest. She freaks out when Kate asks to leave the hospital to go to the beach for a few hours. But Sara isn't an inconsiderate person. She does all of that out of love. She loves her daughter too much to be able to fathom what life would be like without her. That's why she can't let her go. She has to make sure Kate gets a kidney transplant because she has to know that she did everything she could, that she went to the last possible resort to ensure that Kate lived. Letting her go would admit failure and powerlessness. And the pain of losing her would be unbearable. But that made me think. What about Kate's pain?  She spent almost her entire life, almost all 15 years of it, fighting cancer. Going through ups and downs and never getting the chance to live a normal life. Why did she have to keep fighting if she knew this was the end for her? Was Sara selfish because she didn't want to let Kate go? Or can we say she just loved her too much? But then again we've all heard that cliche saying "If you love something let it go." If Kate felt she was dying and nothing could save her should Sara have just let her die peacefully without making her body fight to live? Because after all if you love something you have to let it go when it's time for it go. So then we can say that Sara was selfish. She wanted Kate to live because she knew how miserable life would be without her. A part of her would die too. Because when you let something you love go a part of you goes with it. And that part might never come back. I don't the clear cut answer to all of this. The same question could be applied to so many other situations in life. In a relationship if one person is unhappy and you truly love that person will you let him/her go even if that means you'll be miserable? Or do you do everything you can to try to make that person stay for the sake of your own happiness as selfish as it may be?

 It's tricky when it comes to love. Do you fight or let go?

Nothing like a KoRn Concert \m/

Monday night reminded me why I love going to concerts. And not the kind of concerts where you get to sit in a seat and a relax. I'm talking about the kind of concert where you fight to keep your spot on the floor in middle of a huge swelling crowd of fans while you're headbanging to the heavy riffs and breakdowns and throwing your hands up in the air, fingers forming the horns universally known as the symbol for rock music. You're half singing half screaming the lyrics to songs that you've listened to almost obsessively because in some way you can relate to those words. And as you're singing/screaming the singer makes his way to the side of the stage you're standing at and you hope that maybe out of all the other faces in the crowd he sees yours. He sees the passion on your face as you rock out to the song he helped create. That's your moment. And that's why I love those types of the concerts. Even in a large space filled with hundreds of people you can feel the intimacy of the concert because you can see the band (if you're lucky enough to be somewhere near the front) and you believe that they can see you. 
Two nights ago I went to my first concert since August to see KoRn play with Mutiny Within and 2 Cents at the Roseland Ballroom in NYC. All the bands were incredible but KoRn blew me away!The crowd went wild for KoRn. I've listened to them for so many years, since high school, but this was the first time I saw them in concert. And I can't wait to see them again. The energy they gave off was amazing. Seeing Fieldy slap  his bass while in a trance-like state almost gave me chills. I've never seen it played like that live. It was awesome. And then having Munky come over to the side of stage I was standing at to throw guitar picks was one of those moments where you feel some sort of connection with the band. You shout and jump up and down hoping that he notices you. (Too bad I didn't catch any guitar picks, though) And then there's Jonathan Davis. The guy can get away with wearing kilts and Adidas sweat suits and make them look cool. And he's so consistent. His image hasn't changed since the band began.There is nothing like seeing him perform in person holding onto KoRn's iconic microphone stand while headbanging to the heavy bass and drum beats with his long dreads swinging back and forth. He emitted so much great energy while performing that you couldn't help but feel energized yourself not matter how tired or beaten up you felt. And that is the best thing about seeing one of your favorite bands perform live. Nothing can top the energy you feel at the show. It's contagious. I go for that energy. I don't go to concerts to jump into the mosh pits or start fighting with the person next to me (although sometimes I can't deny feeling that aggression) The music is all the energy I need. And maybe I'm showing my age but I just don't understand how some people can enjoy the performances while pushing and fighting with each other. I don't need any of that childish crap. Hard rock and metal runs through my veins. That's all I need to feel alive. 

No Room for Patriotism Anymore

While I never really meant to comment about anything vaguely political in this blog, I just can't help myself after reading an article on MSN.com about 5 teenagers who were sent home because they wore clothing decorated with the American flag. I actually reread the first line of the article because I couldn't believe that a public school in America would punish students for having the American flag displayed on their clothing. I mean seriously, what has the country come to? Students are being punished for patriotism! But the real kicker is the reason why the principal sent the boys home. The boys wore their American flag bandannas and t-shirts on May 5. Or as we've all come to know it, Cinco de Mayo. The principal felt that since it was a Mexican holiday the boys should be sensitive enough not to display the American flag in a school that has a large Mexican-American  population. According to the article the school's administrators called the clothes "incendiary" and said they would incite fights on school grounds.  The teens were given two choices: Turn the shirts inside out or get suspended. They went home to avoid suspension.  One Mexican-American student was quoted saying, "I think they should apologize because it is a Mexican Heritage Day. We don't deserve to get disrespected like that. We wouldn't do that on the Fourth of July." Well for starters I find it offensive and disturbing that someone who lives in the United States is offended by the nation's flag. It shouldn't matter that these boys wore t-shirts decorated with the American flag on Cinco de Mayo. I don't know if the boys decided to wear these t-shirts on May 5th to make a point or to start something. That's besides the point.  As Americans they have right to wear the t-shirts whenever they want to. But their rights were stifled by extreme political correctness. There is nothing wrong with ethnic groups having their cultural days to celebrate here. That is the beauty of this country. Everyone is allowed to celebrate their cultures freely. The ugliness here lies in the fact that American patriotism was not allowed. To facilitate other ethnic groups and cultures, Americans have to be extra sensitive to the point where it crosses a line. It crosses the line of freedom of speech and expression. And let's not forget we are all Americans here anyway. No matter what country you came from if you are living here as a citizen you are an American. I am the child of immigrants and my parents strongly and proudly identify themselves as Americans. Partly because they came here to escape a country that was persecuting them and didn't allow for the opportunities that we have here. That's a huge reason why many people come to this country. Partaking in the American Dream should also involve having pride and patriotism for the country that has accepted you and has given you opportunities.  Patriotism and pride is what unifies everyone who lives here. If we don't have that unifying factor to unite us and give us common ground then what will happen to the strength of our country? It'll get weaker as I fear it already is. 
Even after reading the article a few times I still could not wrap my head around the reason why the boys' clothing was so offensive to the Mexican-Americans in the school. The statement from one girl comparing Cinco de Mayo to the Fourth of July also confused me. July 4th is Independence Day. It is the day that we celebrate our independence from Great Britain. So I did some research on what Cinco de Mayo celebrates. It commemorates the unlikely victory of the Mexican army over the French army at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.  So while it is a patriotic holiday for Mexicans and a day of celebration and pride it is not Mexico's day of Independence. That day is in September.  So no comparison could be made to the Fourth of July. And while I understand that Cinco de Mayo is widely celebrated here and in some way has become a pop culture thing, it is still a Mexican national holiday. That being said, those boys should not have been punished for wearing the American flag on American soil. Now if they showed up wearing the French flag on their t-shirts I might understand why the Mexican-American students would get offended. 




Oh and while we're talking about political correctness here's another interesting tidbit. Comedy Central is working on a cartoon about Jesus that depicts him as "a regular guy" who moves to New York to "escape his father's enormous shadow." Funny that Comedy Central could possibly air a cartoon about Jesus that will probably ridicule him and offend many Christians but they can't air Muhammad in a bear suit. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?


Here's the link to the Comedy Central article.
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gxnZK5i67vuSLHEv_p8Db2L9mCAgD9FHICJO0

Feeling Good from the Blindside

I just finished watching The Blindside and the one word that came to mind as the ending credits rolled was "wow." Knowing that the movie is based on a true story makes it even more amazing. Watching this movie and witnessing how one woman changed a boy's life so drastically can make nearly anyone feel good and want to do good. I know it sounds kind of sappy but I don't know how else to describe it. I wonder what would have happened to Michael Oher if Leigh Anne Tuohy and her family never took him in. No one else paid much attention to him even though he was hard to miss. This makes me wonder how many people like Michael Oher fall through the cracks of the foster system? How many children have potential and want to do something with their lives but never have anyone to care for them and guide them in the right direction? It's really disheartening to think about it but that's the reality of the situation. I'm sure hundreds of children never get the chance to reach their potential because they were unfortunate to be born to parents who can't even take care of themselves. And then many of them get placed with foster parents who are just in it for the government money. I've never really been the kind of person to think about these things. I'm more like the person who can read a sad story in the newspaper and think to myself how horrible that is and feel bad for a moment but then  flip to the next page and never look back. But this movie made me think. And maybe that's the purpose it served for many people who saw it. Many people who are like me and need to see a portrayal of one of those sad stories to really feel the impact of it. And on the other hand maybe we need to see the actions of a kind hearted person like Leigh Anne who took it upon herself to change a young man's life and give him the family  he's never had. Seeing how someone can open her heart up so much to a stranger can make you wonder what you can do. It makes me wonder what I can do. What the Tuohy family did was extreme and is not realistic for most people. But there are smaller things that people can do. Whether it's through charity, volunteer work or pursuing and becoming dedicated to a career that allows you to help people. And while I'm still finding myself I have added another item to my list. Finding some way that I can make a difference. Maybe I should have pursued a career as  a teacher. It must be amazing be an amazing feeling to know that you were that one teacher that made a difference in a student's life that he or she will never forget. But either way I do feel inspired by this movie to try and find my way to do something good. So maybe The Blindside isn't just purely entertainment. Maybe it can inspire everyone to try and find a way to their part. 

Forever Loyal to South Park

Last night I enjoyed the latest episode of South Park. This morning I found out that certain people did not enjoy it as much as I did. In fact they hated it so much that they threatened violence on Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of the amazingly genius South Park. So who are these people that would publicly demand the death of two men who didn't set out to harm anyone? No surprise here. They belong to a group of radical Muslims called Revolution Muslim. A post by Abu Talhah Al-Amrikee  on the group's website threatened the writers with the same fate that met the Dutch filmmaker, Theo Van Gogh. He was fatally shot in Amsterdam in 2004. His crime? Creating a short film that criticized the way Islamic society treats women.  But wait, I take back what I wrote before. This group did not issue a threat.  Al-Amrikee wrote, "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them." Oh sure it's just a mere warning. So I guess this is supposed to make the writers feel more secure? Yeah, right. All this outrage is over the depiction of the prophet Muhammad in a 2 part episode of South Park. Well not really a depiction since apparently Comedy Central banned Parker and Stone from depicting Muhammad in the show. So part 1 of the show featured Muhammad in a bear suit but  part 2 didn't even show that much. All we got to see was the word  "CENSOR". Even the mere mention of the prophet's name was bleeped out. As was a whole speech by the one of the characters, which by the way, I am dying to hear. I think an uncensored version should be released somewhere. Which brings me to my point. Why does an American show have to censor itself because of a radical religious group that doesn't like the content of the episode? People this is AMERICA! We have the right to free speech. Our writers have the right to channel their creativity without fearing death. We don't place restrictions on art because we're afraid it will offend a certain group. Well apparently we do now. At least when it comes to anything that to do with Islam. Hell, our president won't even call terrorists what they are and can't even bring himself to admit that we are fighting a war on terror with Muslim extremists. (On a side note, who's willing to bet that Obama will inevitably apologize for South Park's "offense?" He's already apologized to everyone for America's "offenses.") I remember one New York City artist created a painting of Jesus or the Virgin Mary (I can't remember which one exactly) covered  in feces. Sure some Christians were upset but they didn't call for violence. We didn't have riots in the streets. That artist wasn't killed for his art.
 Besides the point that this kind of censorship goes against the beliefs our country was founded on, people need to understand what kind of show South Park is. South Park makes fun of EVERYONE!!!!!  Not one group can escape this. And guess what? No other group has threatened violence against the writers. Because while South Park does generate intelligent social commentary it is still a cartoon. Who gets upset over a cartoon? South Park has made fun of my religion many time and I laugh it off each time.  Every South Park episode is based on some aspect of society. The censored episode was just satire of the riots that occurred in Europe after a cartoon depicted Muhammad's image. And speaking of Europe, let's not turn into them. Let's not bend over backwards and change our beliefs just so we don't offend extremists. Back in 2007 a report by the U.K. Department for Education and Skills stated that schools in England were dropping the lessons about the Holocaust to avoid offending Muslim students were taught to deny the Holocaust. Imagine wiping out a crucial chapter in history just because one group does not agree with it. In 2009 I read that Britain denied entry for a controversial Dutch politician, Geert Wilders. The article mentioned banning entry for someone was extremely rare for the British government but the reason they chose to do so in that case was because this particular Dutchman created a short film that blamed Islam for terrorist crimes by Muslim fanatics. He placed images of the crimes side by side with passages from the Koran and or speeches by Muslim clerics that justified the crimes. This film was his interpretation of what he saw but it got him banned from entering Britain because the British were afraid of the Muslim extremists who took up residence in their country. 
I truly hope that America is strong enough to withstand bending over backward to appease extremists. (Of course we probably need stronger leadership but that's for another blog) I don't appreciate this group of Muslim extremists threatening American citizens for voicing their opinions. Don't try to impose your totalitarian rules on us. They won't work here. This is not a country run by Islamic views. If you don't like our culture you are more than welcome to leave and go back to a country that abides by your views.  Don't impose your religious views on us. You might not be allowed to depict Muhammad according to your faith but last time I checked the creators of South Park weren't Muslim. They are free to do what they want. 
One last thing I'm left wondering is how did this extremist group know of South Park and its content if Muslim extremist want nothing to do with Western culture. Could it be that they watched the episode? Shocking. 

Tending to a Relationship

We are surrounded by relationship advice. If you subscribe to lifestyle magazines there's a chance there will be a relationship article buried somewhere in those pages. Especially if you're an avid subscriber to  Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire and Glamour magazines like I am.  The internet is also filled with relationship articles. There's always something on Yahoo's, MSN's or AOL's homepages. So before checking my e-mail I'm bound to check those articles out. Now some people might not see the point to all these articles and don't see how they apply to their relationships. But I think that even if you don't take away any specific bits of advice you should still realize, after reading such articles, that relationships take a lot of work. That's why people write these articles. They're basically like instruction manuals. You wouldn't build something without consulting the instruction manual so why would you be in something so complicated as a relationship without having some basic advice? Yes, relationships are extremely complicated. It's almost a paradox. Something that makes you so happy is just so damn hard sometimes. But nothing in life is easy and I think that sometimes the best things are the ones that you work hard for. And relationships need a lot of work. Think of your relationship as a garden. Gardens are beautiful but they take a lot of hard work. Lots of sweat and energy gets poured into maintaining a healthy and beautiful garden. The same is needed with a relationship. You can't just relax and let it take its course thinking that if this is the right person for you then you don't need to put in an effort. Of course you need to put in some effort. As soon you become lax in your relationship your partner will start thinking that you don't care. Because when you care about something you work hard for it. When you want a great looking body you go for it and you work out hard and eat right. When you want a great career you go out and pursue it without giving up. So if you want a great relationship why would you sit back and not do anything? Sure the relationship was perfect for you in the beginning. Everyone feels that way but eventually all relationships get old. But that doesn't mean they can't be good anymore. People just need to stop delusional and think that everything should feel the way it did in the beginning. Once you let go of that notion and realize that those feelings of newness and excitement can't be recreated unless you find someone new, then you can go on and start making what you have even better. For me the small things count. Texting me randomly to tell me that you miss me make me melt. Sending me funny things in an e-mail to cheer me up are greatly appreciated. Surprising me with small gifts like my favorite chocolate would show me that you still care. There are so many little things that you can do to make your relationship better and show your partner that you care. The advice is out there. All you need to do is start paying attention to it. I've always heard that doing good things for other people makes you feel good. And while I've never really considered it before, I understand it now. Doing small things for my boyfriend, whether it's showing up to his house with his favorite drink or sending him a text reminding him that a show he likes to watch is on tonight, really does make me feel better. And it shows a certain thoughtfulness. 
If you don't pay attention to anything else you read on relationships, make sure that you at least remember this. Just like not watering your flowers will cause them to die, neglecting your relationship and forgetting the small things that make the relationship strong and happy will ensure  its end. 

Bus Rides From Hell

So I endured yet another hellish bus ride today courtesy of the MTA. I've realized it's a mistake to take the bus at 3 o'clock in the afternoon and if I could avoid it, trust me I would. You would think the buses in the afternoon would run faster and be emptier since most people are at work. But what a drag it is that school gets out so early. See I can deal with a crowded bus (well sort of; I still curse every minute of it) but there's something about a crowded bus full of teenagers that makes me wish I didn't have to leave my house at all. Before I go on let me just state that I really don't have anything against all teenagers. After all, I was one a few years ago. Though, I do believe that I was quieter and more well behaved when I was out in public. Which brings me to the reason why some of these kids make me dread ever having to raise one. Why are they so damn loud on the bus??? They're young so they shouldn't be going deaf yet but for some reason the ones I'm stuck with on crowded buses feel the need to scream to their friends who are just mere inches away. Of course I always make sure to have my Ipod on but why should I have to set the volume to a deafening level just to block out their mindless talk? Maybe they feel everyone would love to hear their interesting conversations about who hooked up with whom, which teacher sucks the most, or whatever perverted thoughts decide to run through their heads. Oh yeah and did I mention how vulgar these kids get? Okay I know that when I was in high school my conversations weren't always G-rated. It's unrealistic to think that teenagers don't talk about things that adults wish they didn't talk about. But some of them just don't seem to have any shame. In fact they probably think it's cool. (It's funny how you see things differently once you're older) But forget the shame factor. At the very least they should have some sense of courtesy and should know how to conduct themselves in public. That means no yelling across the bus, not blocking people's paths and not shoving each other for fun. There have been plenty of times when some boys felt like roughhousing it  in the bus or at the bus stop. And as someone who's only 5 feet tall I can say it's not fun to have teenage giants fall into you. Seriously, do parents teach their children anything anymore? Oh and something has to be done about those monstrous backpacks. When the bus is crowded to the max it would really helpful if those huge backpacks weren't pushing into people. Just take it off and hold it.  

So all this venting is coming from years of enduring bus rides in these conditions and even worse sometimes. Today I was lucky enough to get a seat, albeit in the back stuck with a group of high school girls who of course had to scream to one another because a few inches is just too much distance between them. Oh and did I mention that in 85 degree weather there didn't seem to be any air conditioning on the bus?

Soon one day I will have my own car and to hell with these bus rides!

An Easy Way Out

The other day I read that Jesse James was entering rehab for sex addiction. Gosh there must be an epidemic going on here! First we have David Duchovny (although with all these new juicy scandals he's probably not someone to remember), then Steve Phillips, the infamous Tiger Woods and now Jesse James. So is sex addiction a real disease or just an easy way out for these sleazy men? While sex addiction may be a real problem like alcohol addiction I feel that these men are using it as an excuse for their disgusting behavior. It's an easy way out for them. They have their fun and once they get caught they claim they have a sex addiction to save their reputations. After all the public might be more willing to forgive a celebrity if he claims he has a sex addiction rather than admitting he just felt like cheating on his wife a bunch of porn stars and strippers. So I think the whole sex addiction excuse is just used to cover up immoral and overindulgent behavior. These guys probably just have over inflated egos and think they can do whatever they want but once they get caught they have to come up with a really good excuse as to why they did what they did. And what's better than claiming that you have an addiction? Maybe I'm wrong but I always felt that having an addiction means you don't have control over yourself. From what I read in the press all those extramarital activities seemed planned.  Here's something I got from medicinenet.com: "Generally, a person with a sex addiction gains little satisfaction from the sexual activity and forms no emotional bond with his or her sex partners." So if Tiger Woods really had a sex addiction would he send sweet text messages to his mistresses? Would Jesse James cuddle with his overly tattooed Neo-Nazi girlfriend? I don't think so. I think that our society has enabled a culture of excuses. People don't take responsibility for their actions.  And while I do understand that addictions are all too real and that there are people who suffer from them, I don't think all these cheaters have sex addictions. They're just jumping on the bandwagon created by the first celebrity who went to rehab to cure his sex addiction. They just need to own up to their mistakes and admit that they cheated because they wanted to. Who do they think they're fooling? Hey at least former Governor Spitzer didn't claim he had a sex addiction!

Love Hurts :/

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've tried not to though because some of those thoughts are ones that I don't want in my head. But they creep in there anyway uninvited. I can sum up what's been plaguing me in two words: Relationships suck. They are wonderful in a way but when they start to unravel it hurts more than anything you've ever felt. And while there might be some red flags that let you know bad things are to come you still feel suckerpunched when you realize that what you were so afraid of has finally come to pass. So yeah, while love is a great thing it can also be a horrible thing. Maybe it should be considered a weapon of mass destruction because when love fails it leaves you feeling like the walking dead. You just exist. You don't live. You go through the daily motions of life without feeling anything but hurt, sadness and anger. You pray for something to come along to distract you from the crushing pain you feel but nothing comes. You try to busy yourself with mindless work but that can't last forever. You can't even bring yourself to talk about it with your friends. Sure they say that talking helps but what happens when just the thought of your failed love causes your stomach to clench in pain? Talking won't make it better. It will just make you feel even more sick to your stomach. So you busy yourself with work and don't discuss the issue. You push the nagging thoughts out of your head for as long as you could. But then there does come a time every day, once if you're lucky but usually it happens more than once, when there is nothing to distract you and the thoughts flood your mind along with a suffocating pressure that sits on your chest and refuses to leave. You're alone with these thoughts. You sit there wondering what should I do? But you already know what to do. It's just that thought of it hurts even more than the pain he's causing. Because while you want this misery to be over, you're afraid of the misery that will come once you're truly alone. It's time to cut the strings but something stops you. Is it love or fear?
Maybe you know what you should because you gave the very same advice to friends in distress in the past. You told them that if he doesn't make you happy and doesn't respect you then they should leave. You told them that they deserve better. They deserve to be loved the way they loved him. But when it comes time to follow your own words of wisdom you find yourself stuck. You don't have the strength to push forward. You keep telling yourself things will get better. You focus on all the good the relationship has brought. But are you being hopeful or are you just being foolish?

The only thing that makes me truly happy

Today at work I was browsing through wallpapers to customize the new computer in the office. My coworker suggested that I put a picture of my dog, PeeWee, up. Her reasoning was that I should have a picture that makes me happy whenever I look at it. I thought that was great idea. I already have a picture of PeeWee as my background on my laptop and my cell phone so it only made sense to have him on my work computer. That also made me realize something that I've always known but never really thought about it. PeeWee is the only thing that makes me truly happy. Even though he's gotten into the garbage can too many times and still hasn't realized that he's not allowed to sit on our new recliner, I can't help but smile when he's around. Even when I have to run after him when it's time to brush his unruly hair and struggle with him to clean his ears and eyes, I still can't think of anything negative towards him. Even though walking him, especially in the cold rain, is a drag sometimes, I still wouldn't trade him for anything the world. Simply looking at him melts away frustration and stress. Now I'm not a crazy dog owner. Studies have shown that people with pets are happier and healthier than their non-pet counterparts. One study even showed that most people would rather be with their pets on Valentine's Day than with their spouses. Now I don't think I would go that far but I do understand the reasoning. Dogs are so incredibly loyal. They are always happy to see you when you come home. There's no better feeling for me than coming home and seeing PeeWee wag his tail with excitement and  jump around not knowing what to do with himself because he's so happy that I'm home. Has anyone in your life ever greeted you that way? I don't think so. I'm lucky to get a smile out of my boyfriend when he sees me. PeeWee won't ever give me an attitude because he's had a bad day. His heart would never turn cold towards me. He would never say or do anything to hurt to me. PeeWee won't wake up one morning and decide he's changed and tell me to either deal with it or go find someone else. His love and loyalty is limitless. A dog really is a person's best friend because he will never let you down. You never have question a dog's love like you a person. I don't have any negative thoughts or feelings associated with PeeWEe despite the terror he was as a puppy. But it's different with people. You can't always forget the bad things about them even if you try really hard. I don't think a person (maybe unless it's your child) can ever give you the same happiness that a dog can. A relationship with a person can cause unnecessary pain and stress. Having a dog can only bring you positive benefits. 

I hear my PeeWee's feet pattering around upstairs. It's time for me to relax and be happy so I think I'll go upstairs and show PeeWee the same love he's shown me for almost 7 years. 

Trust

For the past couple of days I've been thinking about the word trust a lot. Is it really possible to trust a spouse 100 percent? Can complete trust shield act as a veil, shielding us from the truth? Trust is something that seems simple in a relationship, especially with a person that has not given you a reason not to trust him/her. But I feel that trust isn't something that is just established in the beginning of a relationship and then left alone. It's like saying,"Hey, I haven't done anything for you not to trust me yet so you can trust me forever." But can you really? People change and even when they are in love they do foolish things. So if I adhere to the belief that since you never gave me a reason to distrust you I shall never be the least bit suspicious and take everything you say at face value, will things be okay? For me trusting someone 100 percent makes you vulnerable. Because when you have complete trust you feel that you have no reason to be suspicious and that can lead you to ignore instincts that could otherwise help you. I don't know if this making a whole lot of sense now but it's just my feelings on the issue of trust. A person doesn't necessarily have to lie or cheat for you to lose to trust in him/her. I feel that a lot of things can lead to trust breaking down. For example if your partner changes his feelings about issues that are relevant to your relationship, that can lead some sort of suspicion. "What is the reason for this change of heart?," you find yourself thinking. If one value can change what's to say that other values won't change. But the biggest thing for me now is when your partner sees how hurt you are by something he/she did (even if it seems insignificant to him/her), and doesn't do anything about it. Instead he/she turns the situation around and makes you feel like you are at fault for feeling hurt. So you can't help but wonder that if your partner sees your hurt feelings as your own fault and isn't willing to do anything about it, how can you trust him/her in the first place. You shouldn't hurt the one you love and if you did so unintentionally you should correct the issue right away. When you really love someone and want to be with that person you will sacrifice anything and everything and not complain about it. Because that person would do the same for you. Your disregard to my feelings by not acting in a way to make them better shows me that I can't trust you 100 percent. Because if I can't trust you to make me feel better and more secure in the relationship then how can I ever trust you completely?

Teens Stripping????

Living in NYC in the 21st century, I didn't think I would find anything that would shock me so much. But watching a rerun of the Tyra Banks show today I found that one thing; a loophole in Rhode Island's lawbooks allows teenagers as young as 16 years old to strip as long as they are home by 11:30 p.m. Older men are legally allowed to watch 16 year old girls strip. Doesn't that come a little too close to pedophilia? A 16 year old girl is still a child, no matter how mature she looks or thinks she is. As crazy as this law sounds, what was even crazier was the teenager featured on this episode. Tyra Banks invited a 16 year old Rhode Island girl who worked full time as a waitress during the day and stripped at night. There was no mention of school in the dialogue so I'm guessing this girl didn't even go to school. What a shame. But she felt that she made a great living from stripping. She said she has things that other girls her age don't such as apartments, cars, a big screen television, etc. But it wasn't only her materialism that drove her to strip. She actually aspired to be a stripper! What happened to aspirations teenangers had back when I was in high school? At that age many of us aspired to go to college and become professionals. We wanted to make something out of ourselves. My former high school classmates have gone on to work in business, education, healthcare and other respectable industries. I never knew a girl who dreamt of being a stripper. But stripping isn't the only goal this 16 year old girl has. She said she would have sex for right amount of money and would really like to do porn. Hey who needs college when you can rely on your body for money? I just wonder what she plans on doing when she hits the age where no man would pay to her naked. But considering that she's only 16 years old I doubt the thought crossed her mind. The shockers don't end here though. The girl's father came on the show and flat out stated that he supports his daughter and wants her to do what makes her happy. He also mentioned that she's headstrong and would do whatever she wanted to do anyway. Now doesn't that just about describe every teenager out there? It's their nature and the very reason why parents should be doing their job parenting these rebellious teens. This guy seems to have just gotten lazy. How could he not be disgusted at the thought of men his age drooling over his young daughter's body. Earlier in the show the girl mentioned that she believes most men like her because she looks so young. Ew is all I have to say. Any man that enjoys watching a 16 year old girl strip is disturbed.


Now that I'm over my initial disgust I realize that people might question my reaction. After all we live in such a sexualized society. But just because we live in this kind of era doesn't mean it's okay. Now I'm not some ultra-conservative prudish person but I do still have morals.  And I won't let go of those morals no matter what becomes acceptable. So when did it become acceptable for 16 year old girls to strip legally? When did it become acceptable for parents to support their teen daughters' dreams of porn stardom? I don't have really have an answer for that. We can blame television shows and popular music but that's a topic for another blog. But I really think it's time for everyone to take a closer look at what's going on with teenage girls. Why are they growing up so fast? The innocence of childhood being lost at a quicker pace. I almost dread what teenage girls will be like when my time as a mother comes.